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Name: Idelle
Birthday: 10/20/1987
Gender: Female


Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical


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Member Since: 8/3/2003

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Saturday, April 11, 2009

"the bigger picture"

I think too much.  I always saw myself as a thinker of the future, but this is too much.

500 years from now, many scientists have predicted that the human race will be obliterated.  A mere centuries later, traces of humankind will disappear from the face of the planet.  So then, what am I fighting for?  Activism, environmentalism, will really amount to nothing? Even if the world achieved everything that it "wants" to achieve, world peace, international cooperation, erasing poverty, a "greener" planet, it is inevitable that planet earth will reach a carrying capacity.  As much as humans want to deny it, we are just another species in the fabric of life.  We may be biologically superior because of critical thinking, consideration of the future, emotional attachment, but really, will these things champion over an entire planet?  An entire universe? An entire galaxy that doesn't give a shit about all those things?  Of course, I would like to think that in 500 years, the human race would find a way to live on another planet, in space, or in the ocean, but honestly what is the likelihood?  Maybe the human race would be able to leave essential time capsules everywhere, to let the next species now all our discoveries.  This with the stipulation that our advances would even help a new species.  But I can't help but think that it is yet another self righteous characteristic of the human race.  To believe that us as humans, as the "superior" species, that we can overcome natural forces.  What am I fighting for?

And then I think maybe religion has the answers.  But I can't help but think that religion (purely my opinion) is an excuse, a place holder, for these unanswerable questions.  It all seems too easy.  Of course, the course of religion is not something I'm abandoning for the rest of my life, hopefully I'll tackle that issue later in life, but I digress. 

Maybe in the afterlife, the advances that humans have made will matter.  Maybe the potential of the human race is unfathomable to me as a single person.  As I think about it more, I realize to live my life, is only my choice.  I can only live how I "believe" that the world should be.  Take in all my experiences and hope that I am doing good.  And as ironic as it is, it seems to me that in order to stay sane in a world that may be obliterated is to have hope.  Blind faith.  Hope that I will matter, that the legacies I leave will be left to someone.  It is so hard for me to accept.  To not know.  My biggest flaw, needing a reason for everything, is rearing its head.  But I realize, if I knew all the answers, I would be a god.  But, I still can't help but be a bit uncomfortable, and to lose a little luster of my activism and environmentalism. 

Maybe I should take some philosophy classes.       


Thursday, September 04, 2008

Dear Friends,

Although I may not be on facebook, I can still write on my xanga :) And I felt at this point in my MCAT journey it was time to write a blog. 

8 more days.  8 more days until that intimidating, looming, monster of a test will rear its head.  That test I have been thinking about since my middle schools days.  I remember being a middle school student wondering, how am I ever going to do well on my MCAT...I'll probably be at the point of death while studying..probably well go insane...never seeing the light of day.  And here I am, 20 years old, going into my fourth year in college about to graduate and that huge MCAT test is 8 days away. 

I have sacrificed so much of my summer in my conquest of the MCAT.  But, the biggest sacrifice I had to make was time with my friends.  Before writing this blog, I thought that this summer has taught be how much I love being alone.  And how much I love not having to deal with people.  But, this would be a total hypocritical and false statement. 

The MCAT forced me to be reclusive and prevented me from spending time with my friends.  Here is where a little self-analyzation comes in.  I am the type of person that cannot relax with such a huge test on my shoulders.  I would rather not go out because I could never truly relax and enjoy my time with my friends without thinking about all the hormones I need to memorize, or what functional groups have markovnikov substitution, or how the hell am I going to raise my verbal score.  And maybe, I could have had a balance of friends and the MCAT, but without studying almost all the time, I would not have felt in control of the test, and I hope that my friends understand that.

And for this, I hope I can invoke some understanding.  I LOVE MY FRIENDS.  There is no doubt.  Being alone further in life is not a life I want to live.  Although it may seem I have neglected you, I just really had to push the MCAT into my first priority.  I truly and dearly miss each and every one of you.  All the memories, all the talks, all the one-on-ones. 

And with this note, 8 more days, I just want to tell my friends that I will be myself again. Even though I may be vegetarian, although I may not dress the same, or walk the same, or talk the same, the inner core of Idelle still does remain the same.  The Idelle that loves getting to know people, that loves seeing her friends smile, that loves dancing, being crazy, and spontaneous.  None of that has changed.

But of course, this journey has just begun.  And I hope as my true friends, you will understand that this won't be the only time I will be pushed into reclusion.  My journey to med school will include intense studying my fourth year to raise my GPA, my application to med school, internships, research, med school, and finally my boards.  I have really strived to find friends that really understand me.  And understand that although I may not be around 24-7 that doesn't mean I care any less or love you any less.

And my friends, I cannot WAIT to make more memories with you, share more laughs and tears with you.  Now back to studying...


Thursday, August 23, 2007

Maude: I should like to change into a sunflower most of all. They're so tall and simple. What flower would you like to be?
Harold: I don't know. One of these, maybe.
Maude: Why do you say that?
Harold: Because they're all alike.
Maude: Oooh, but they're *not*. Look. See, some are smaller, some are fatter, some grow to the left, some to the right, some even have lost some petals. All *kinds* of observable differences. You see, Harold, I feel that much of the world's sorrow comes from people who are *this*,
[she points to a daisy]
Maude: yet allow themselves be treated as *that*
[she gestures to a field of daises]

watching Harold and Maude tonight =)

 


Friday, June 30, 2006

this is real blubber

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.

The best feelings are those that have no words to describe them.

You know you're in love when you see the world in their eyes and their eyes everywhere in the world.

If you live to be 100 i want to live to be 100 minus one so I won't have to live a day without you.

Love is like pi- natural, irrational, and VERY important.

You aren't what I'm looking for, you're everything and so much more.

When you meet that special someone, you'll understand why it didn't work out with anyone else.

You don't love in words.  Even through silences, love is always heard.

When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening because everything happens within you.

Your personality and everything you do, makes me love everything about you.

It's amazing how one day someone can walk into your life and the next day you can't remember how you lived without them.

Whenever I go somewhere far, I'll write your name on every star so the angels can look and see how much you mean to me.

The moment we met, the angels whispered, "PERFECT."

The more I know you, the more I know I love you.

I knew the moment you looked in my eyes that my life was in your hands.

No one can tell you what love is, you will simply know it when you feel nothing else.

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.

I don't regret the things I've done or the things I've chosen not to do because I must have done something right because I ended up with you.

If I could give you one thing in life, it would be the ability to see you as I do, then you would realize what a truly special person you are.

If I were an angel I'd give you my wings.

Love is when you don't want to go to sleep because reality is better than a dream.

If I were to describe love, I would compare it with what one snowman did to another snowman- he gave her a warm embrace and together they melted in each other's arms.

To love someone is nothing, to be loved is something, but to be loved by the one you love is everything.

The course of true love never did run smooth.

I don't love you because I need you , I need you because I love you.

Dreams were made to come true, that's why I'm here with you.

I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

Love is when you're a better person just because that someone is in your life.

Love wasn't love until I met you.

You know you love someone when you cannot put into words how they make you feel. 

To love someone is to see a miracle in them that no one else does.

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything and two minus one equals nothing.

Sometimes love hurts, but then again, if it doesn't hurt, it isn't love.

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Love is a journey, not a destination.

Love is not a feeling, it's a sensation.

To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another.

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree, but still hold hands.

Once in a while right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.

Self-sacrifice is the greatest expression of love.

Where there is love, there is no fear.

You want to know how great my love is, count the waves.

Other people save lives, but you rescued my soul.

In this world of overrated pleasures and underrated treasures.  I'm glad there is you.

To be is to love; to love is to be.

I'm learning what love is from loving you.

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.

On the coldest day, in the coldest place, your love would keep me warm.

I love you not only for who you are, but for what you are making of me.

 


Thursday, June 29, 2006

 



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